taking accountability in who we are and who we want to be
you are safe to take accountability in who you are,
who you want to be,
and what and who you want in life.
clear the shame, fear, and insecurity.
it is not yours to carry anymore.
choose honesty with yourself and others.
make your dream life reality.
•••
you might read the above and be thinking…
way easier said than done.
easy for you to say!
where do i begin?!
…and so on.
i’ve been there. this has been my work for some time. i’ve lost friendships and relationships because the relationship’s purpose was to help us implement this important work. it IS a lot easier said than done. it is deep and difficult work.
and it’s worth it.
as a lover of words, as a gemini moon, as an avid reader, as a writer, and as a romantic… communication is incredibly important to me. if you think about it, communication is the basis of most of our living.
i think a huge part of everyone’s work on this planet is to practice honest, open, willing communication, which is definitely not on the list of top priorities of what we’re taught as children, adolescents, and so on… leading us to do most of this work ourselves if/when we become aware of the blockages/harmful patterns.
most of us come from a lineage of people who didn’t communicate nearly as much or as healthy as we need and do today OR have the emotional intelligence that many of us are working toward now. for many of us, this is the exact work we are required to do to break these generational patterns. we are the ones who’ve been chosen to heal bloodlines. for many of us, this is our purpose… or at least one of many.
so with all that said… i want to remind you that you are safe to explore and communicate and be yourself — because i really want you to feel safe to accept yourself and be not only who you are but also who you want to be. i want you to feel safe and secure in this work (which requires other things, like accountability partners, people who ARE safe spaces for us, therapy, a safe home, and many other changes that more often than not we are the ones responsible to make). you have to create your own safety in many ways. boundaries are one example of us creating our own safety zones. safety is not comfort! these are not places (emotionally or physically) that we create out of a trauma-response to protect ourselves, i’m talking about the safe spaces we create that allow us to make mistakes and grow from them, rather than be further contained by them. i don’t want to dismiss those who genuinely are not in safe environments to be themselves and i don’t feel like i am able to speak on that, but i do want to say in that case how important it is to create a safe container within yourself and be in community (even if it’s online) with those who encourage that safe space.
one way we allow ourselves this growth is by taking accountability for who and what we want. living up to what we think will appease other people only harms us deeper in the end… and it’s a way of lying not only to others but also to ourselves, which essentially not only harms our current relationships but doesn’t bring us to the path of intimacy. the faster you accept yourself, your needs, your pain points, your trauma… and the faster you are willing to take responsibility for your healing, the faster you will be able to have authentic and intimate relationships without the karma, contracts, and hindering patterns. and the faster you won’t survive on the approval of others, but instead, thrive on your own cup… full of self-love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance.
once we tackle all of this, and are willing to communicate honestly, openly, and willingly with ourselves and others… the better off we are. it is not fair to expect other people to read your mind, and sometimes when we lack the emotional tools necessary, we fall into the patterns of communicating in very passive and indirect ways, which again… repels true intimacy and doesn’t allow for us to get our needs met, whatever they are. the people you love can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell them what that is, and it’s up to you and only you to find out what that is.
this is where our communication comes in. the safer we feel to communicate the better we will. it’s so important to surround ourselves with people who feel safe so that we can practice healthier ways of communication and truly embody who we are. and you know the best part? you actually don’t need anyone else to do start doing that, but it does help to discern your company so that you are able to keep that muscle strong once you’ve strengthened it with yourself. not to mention that safe people can be great soundboards for those who’ve experienced trauma such as gaslighting. in fact, i’d say it’s required.
when i talk about taking ACCOUNTABILITY in who we are, i mean not only accepting all the parts of ourselves but owning them so that we flaunt what we love and heal what we don’t so that we don’t slide into (or back into) victim mode of blaming our life circumstances on our parents, exes, circumstances, etc. and i’m not saying this to say that you are responsible for anyone else’s nonsense or that they don’t need to be accountable… but in terms of self-healing, it’s truly an inside job. and while it’s not your job to fix others or take ownership for any wrongdoing someone else has caused you, there is a time for when we cross the threshold of past pain into future thriving. i think you know what i mean. and if you don’t, let’s talk.
so i don’t say “make your dream life reality” to say that it happens instantly… it surely hasn’t happened for me yet! i’m still in the process of many healings, as it’s no linear journey… but we have to start somewhere, just like this blog being the tip of the iceberg and not as good as i want it to be… but i had to start talking about it somewhere! and i look forward to sharing more of my experiences with this soon, because i know this conversation will continue on my platform.
wishing you love, well-being, and all of the healing!
Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash